One: Cook something more complicated and time consuming than you expected it to be.
Two: Stop paying attention to what you are doing and think of something else instead. It could be something important, like bills, relationships, career choices, yadda yadda, but it's MUCH better if it's something totally stupid, like trying to remember all the words to that eighties song you juuuuuust can't remember.
Three: Get lazy and use the wrong tool for the job. Don't feel like cleaning off your Chef's knife in between ingredients? That's OK. Just use your paring knife to cut up that cold chicken breast. It's cool. Pot holder too far out of reach? No sweat. I'm sure that Made In China, Dollar Store dish towel is completely flame retardant.
Four: Grab the searing hot handle of the pot/pan that you, yourself, just removed from the oven seconds earlier. It MUST be cool by now.
Five: Forgo common sense and shovel a heaping spoonful of boiling liquid into your mouth for tasting purposes.
Six: Give up on tongs, spatulas, and other utensils, and just grab at sizzling food with your bare hands. (Like a caveman)
Seven: Try and hold a conversation with someone while mincing, chopping or making a chiffonade. Hint: this works really well if you mention your stellar knife skills or attention to detail during this conversation.
Eight: Clumsily drop your chef's knife, then suddenly confuse yourself with a circus performer and try to grab it in mid air.
Nine: Get a sesame seed stuck in your KitchenAid Pasta Machine, then try to get it out with a knife. It's important that you leave the machine on while doing so.
Ten: Instead of asking for help, try to get the knife out from your KitchenAid Pasta Machine before your husband discovers the extent of your stupidity.
So what was the stupidest way you ever hurt yourself? Show me some mercy and share your stories in the comments below.