Day 12/30: Being Preggy
It's not all bad! I've thought about this, and there are some SERIOUS advantages to spending 40 weeks knocked up. Check it out.
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You don't have to buy tampons for almost a year.
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The bigger you get, the better people tell you you look.
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Never worry about leftover pickles again.
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Moments of stupidity and or irrational behavior are easily excused on account of "the hormones".
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When you accidentally fart, you can blame it on the baby. (I imagine this as a continued benefit of motherhood.)
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Extra hair that insulates you from extreme temperatures. (And not just on your head, you lucky thing.)
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Extra loose joints and ligaments, perfect for circus performances.
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Explore a fresh culinary perspective with exciting new food cravings and aversions. (Maybe I'll write The Ketchup Cookbook.)
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Random and often inappropriate flashes of sexual attraction. (Ooo, Mr. Belvedere, you are looking FINE.)
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Great excuse to go clothes shopping.
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Lower stress level thanks to a randomly selective memory. (Bills? What bills?)
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Kiss fishing for small talk goodbye. You now have a solid and inexhaustible topic for LIFE. (Noone ever gets tired of hearing about your diapering/breast feeding/college tuition strategies, right?)
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Once your bump gets big enough you can sit things on it, like cats and cups of coffee. How convenient!
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Mysogonists will now view you with more quantifiable value. (That is, until you pop the kid out, then you'll go back to being a nameless sexy vessel.)
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Have some laughs making your non-child bearing friends uncomfortable with gory details. (It's called cervical mucus.)
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Enjoy the new-found feeling of smug superiority that comes with being a parent. (Psshhtt. I'm a MOTHER.)
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An all-access pass to ditch anyone and everyone in order to nap. (Your REAL friends will understand, jeez.)
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If you don't feel like lifting something heavy, just put a hand on your belly and sigh while gazing sadly at the nearest non-pregnant individual.
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Unlimited free water at bars and restaurants! (Luckily, free toilet breaks are also included.)
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And here's the big one, you get your very own baby at the end! (Yours to keep, no refunds or exchanges.)
But seriously, I'm very grateful to be pregnant. I felt the little onion (he/she's an onion this week) flash dancing in there yesterday. Those are some zippy little legs!
P.S. This post is part of my 30 Days With a Grateful Heart series. You can see my other posts in this series on Mary Makes Dinner, Mary Makes Pretty, and here on Mary Makes Babies. Check out Bless Her Heart to find other bloggers participating in this series.